Mirror, Mirror.

I look at myself in the mirror and a cliche comes to mind: Motherhood Changes Everything. Physically - it's just obvious. I wonder if i would ever fit in my size 2 clothes ever again. I pray to God my breasts shrink back to normalcy after breastfeeding...I could hardly recognize the person staring back at me - she wasn't made up at all, her clothes were loose and no high heeled pumps have graced her feet the last 6 months. That's so not me. The Nina everyone knew felt bare leaving the house without a smudge of gloss or powder, wore tight-fitting outfits and 2-3 inch stilettos. I wonder if my husband notices these things and if this is the part that men usually go out looking for playmates on the side. I shouldn't feel insecure - pregnancy is wonderful! well, it is but the changes seem to be so drastic. for one, i've never gained as much weight as i did now. 20 pounds is just astounding.

Family Day is a-ok!

I've never spent Christmas and New Year away from home...Moreso away from my mom. And at first, I was really reluctant to do so. But then fate took over and my soon to be hubby's grandmother passed December 23. I felt the need to be with him at such a time of grief...Just felt weary that our mourning came alongside meeting his whole clan-all 50 or so of them...and forcing myself to feel at home with people I can barely remember the names of come Christmas Eve. I was miles away from my family and when the clock struck 12, i couldn't think of anything but what my nephews were doing and missing their laughter as they opened santa's new gifts.
But then this is part of the package isn't it? I know I signed up for this and i should be thankful that the guy who knocked me up is happily introducing me as his wife even if that isn't bound to happen for probably a year more. I suddenly have iN LAWS. man...this is so not me. i wonder, actually i know, that nothing will ever be the same again. Our holidays would be split between our families, and compromises would have to be made. I just hope I survive them all...

SO MANY CHANGES...

I know I don't have an audience YET, but i think i owe myself an apology for not blogging for almost an entire year. And now that I'm reading my old posts, my oh my - even I managed to surprise me...The changes are SO HUGE, I'm not sure if words will suffice describing them. But lemme try anyway:

a. CAREER - at the beginning of the year I found myself contemplating what I want to do. Felt unhappy and unfulfilled. Knew that I had problems as a co-worker, and moreso as a boss. But times have changed, and so has the job. I can't say my work now is more fulfilling, but the environment makes me want to go to the office daily. The challenge is so much greater and therefore the learning is on a daily basis. My finances have only improved a wee bit, but now I know better - I'm a work in progress - but I believe NOT GOING TO THE MALL has greatly helped cease my shoppaholism. I've also learned to delegate...I need help from other people - and I need to say it! I can't assume that everyone knows how to take an initiative. I have to ask nicely though. hehe.

b. LOVELIFE - this blog effin sounds like a horoscope..hehe. In January, I was in a relationship that was nothing but a gratified friendship. And from there transcended into pushing myself to love someone who I thought would give me security..albeit the passion or the eagerness...But God shows you the way - oh yes he does, and this time he did it with a spotlight and flash. I never thought that I would transform from the helplessly single girl to the marrying type in a few short months. I can not believe how lucky I am with the person I found, and now I never question the saying - all in HIS time...cause this certainly happened least when i expected it...

c. SPEAKING OF EXPECTATIONS: motherhood is such a journey...Everyday is a different day and i find myself looking forward to the new alterations in my life. from the clothes that simply don't fit anymore, to emotional rollercoasters and physical challenges that make me more eager to see my little one...Mentally and emotionally, I always ask myself am I ready for this? I guess God will make me ready. Everytime i feel a kick from my tummy, that re-assures me that things are going to be wonderful in three months time...So I have to sit back and relax. Just enjoy the pregnancy ride.

I am a changed person. My life has literally turned upside down. GOd is on my side. .. I believe that would get me through anything.