I was single for four years, and no I wasn't lonely....AT ALL! In fact, I had a blast...just like any other non - committed GUY. Yep, you heard me right. The more I think about it, the more I realize - I am built like one in my way of thinking. The reason behind such characteristic, is the fact that I was raised mostly by men. In my forming years, my folks were having marital problems and I was left with no one to ask for guidance but my older brother and a dozen of his guy friends. Oh, I didn't grow up to be a lesbian - doesnt mean i dont swing both ways - but i grew up with balls. In most instances when my advice was needed in a love related crisis, I would most likely take the standpoint of a male. I proved this to be excruciatingly true when i stopped calling a guy i was dating for 3 months, the day after the first time we hit the sack...well, i didnt come - tell me if there is any other reason left to call...in relationships, i hardly get jealous, i dont pick fights, and lately ive been accused of putting my supposed significant other at the bottom of my to do list and supposedly important things. I spent so much time around my bro's friends that i ended up thinking like them, and actually falling in love for the first time with one of them...
It's been twelve years since we broke up and twelve years since i last saw him. and all of a sudden he's back in my life. wanting to be my FRIEND. yep, a pal i can talk to, the one you text when your life seeems to be crumbling down. but what about me and my thoughts? what do i do when everytime i see him i have recollections of how my first ever kiss felt.first everything except THAT. which is probably the problem...all the men in my life, i never got to lets say uhm..."ride" this one. we were just too young, i suppose. scared of the possibilities. hay...how do i keep myself together when were talking and all i wanna do is reach over the table and rip his clothes apart and ravage him right then and there. ...complicated and sad...again sigh...
but on the bright side i thought, wtf my mojo is back!!!!!!!!!! my last boyfriend, who is very very religious asked me - what is your stand on pre marital sex and the church? my answer was - it's a loophole....apparently not the answer he wanted to hear...nevertheless the nine months we spent together were..."eventless." that ive actually forgotten i was hot, that may be someone would want me. I packed up my toys and slept beside my mom, and acknowledged that yes, i am alright with a life without sex.
when we broke up a month back, i started thinking...am i ready to go back to dating? and if i do, will i wanna go riding again???? :) who would be my first lucky horse? might be the ex that was never ridden in the first place. and i found every mental picture of me with any other guy, except him my first horse, icky. and i found myself unwanting to explore new grounds until i laid eyes on my first love..so thank you...you know who you are...you gave me my mojo back...
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